You guys are great. Like awesome, great and cute all wrapped up in a pretty package. I wanna reach through this computer screen and give each of you a hug. So yeah, consider yourself officially hugged.
As I mentioned on Tuesday, I had a pretty big test scheduled on Wednesday morning. I was reeeealllllly nervous leading up to the test and had basically convinced myself I was going to get horrible news. I tend to overreact like that. I dunno why; it’s not a very pleasant character trait.
Guy warning – discussing lady parts, starting now
Anyway, the test I was getting done was called an HSG (or in science-y, smart person words: a hysterosalpingogram – what a mouthful, right?) You can read more about the test in detail here or here if you’d like. (Isn’t it scary that the category this test is under on WebMD is Infertility, yeah, that alone scared me). Basically, the doctor injects a dye (using a long, skinny tube) while you’re laying under an x-ray machine to see if the dye flows up through the tubes. If the dye gets stuck in the tube and has nowhere to go, the tube is blocked (causing lots of fertility issues including additional ectopics in the future). However, if the dye flows through the tube and spills out into the belly, the tube is open and you get the green light to start trying again.
For the days leading up to the test, I knew that I would find out whether or not in-vitro would be in our foreseeable future or if we had a good chance of having kids naturally. That’s a lot of pressure! It also didn’t hurt that I have this really bad habit of looking everything up online and I read so many horror stories of how painful and terrible the test was… so yeah, there was that too. I should have given up WebMD for my New Year’s resolution. OH WELL! TOO LATE NOW! NOW I’M NEVER GIVING IT UP! Hahaha! (that was an evil laugh, in case you missed the memo).
There’s a lot of controversy between doctors surrounding the test itself. Since they’re inserting dye in a pretty sensitive part of the body, it could cause inflammation within the remaining tube or even infection. However, most doctors will also prescribe an antibiotic to take before and after the test to hopefully eliminate that small chance. My doctor (yep, the same one that I see at the gym) thought that the benefits of knowing whether or not I had any further problems outweighed the possible risks and I completely agreed. Why would I want to start trying again just to have the same thing happen in six months or a year, have no tubes left, and then finally (a year later) start on an in-vitro journey. We both thought that knowing now would be the best option.
I was a mess the morning of the test, driving to the test, and sitting in the waiting room. I feel bad for Alex because I’m pretty sure that I squeezed his hand off in my state of worry. He was amazingly supportive though and seemed to say all the right things at the right time. We’re talking about, “If we get bad news, we’ll deal with it together.” I also kept whining something along the lines of… “if you had married someone else you would have had kids by now.” And he responded calmly (and cutely, may I add), “I would never choose a different marriage or a baby over you. If it came down to kids without you or you with no kids, I would choose you every time.” Best husband in the world right there, folks.
I’ll spare you all the gory details regarding the test itself. (sidenote: if you found this page because you’re going through something similar, please reach out to me with any questions! I would love to help calm your nerves or give you a realistic expectation leading up to the test. Email me at lifewithacrazypup(at)gmail.com.) It was definitely uncomfortable and at times actually painful. However, it wasn’t AWFUL as the internet had promised me. It was do-able. And although I may have cried through the test (because you know I’m a baby and a chicken, we’ve discussed that already), I survived and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
They were also able to give me the results right then and there.
Before I even had a chance to clean myself up (because you know that dye stuff must have been messy, let’s be honest) – the doctor told me that my remaining tube is open and we could resume trying to have kids without any medical intervention.
It was such a relief, as I’m sure you can imagine. I feel like the weight of this entire ordeal has finally been lifted off my shoulders and I can breathe again. I no longer feel like I’m trapped under previous failures and that I can finally start to look towards the future with optimism instead of doubt. Additionally, I also feel like whenever that baby thing does happen, I’m going to be a little less nervous and panicky that another ectopic is bound to happen again.
A little over a month ago I told you that I felt like I was drowning in the dark and I’m happy to say that I’ve made it out of the sorrow and have reached the light at the end of that tunnel.
I know that this doesn’t mean that we might not face hiccups along the way or that this is even a guarantee that I’ll get pregnant anytime soon, but it’s such a step forward from where I was just days ago. I’ve also spent a lot of time thinking and praying for the women and their families that had this test done that didn’t get such great news. Having this awful experience to go through has made me really understand the hardships that so many couples go through as they try to expand their families. And for that, I’m thankful. I know that I won’t take any future pregnancy or babies for granted and I’m already looking for ways to help those that are suffering from the dreaded diagnosis of infertility. Us ladies need to stick together
So there you have it. You saw me at my worst days and now you’ve seen me pull through. What a difficult journey and I’m so grateful to be on the other side! Now hopefully we can get back to business and stop talking about lady parts ALL THE TIME for the whole inter-webs to see.
But real quick – I did talk to my doctor this morning at the gym! WHO FEELS LIKE A BIG GIRL NOW?!? OH YEAH! Mainly because it was just the two of us left in the locker room (I really didn’t want to harass her or embarrass her while she was trying to work out) and, more importantly, I had really good news to share. She was sooo nice and supportive, as you all thought she’d be and I’m so glad I got to talk to her face to face about the test instead of just over the phone. WHEW!
Have you overcome any hard obstacles lately? Have you gotten any really good news that you couldn’t wait to share with everyone? (Even if that did mean an awkward encounter in the locker room?) Please tell me that I’m not the only socially awkward being here. Do you have any awesome plans for the weekend? Share!
Happy, Happy Friday friends.